Tuesday, March 24, 2009

things temporary

a lot has happened to me since my last post. most of it has been me learning to be open to hear and listen to what others have to say, and most importantly what God is saying or wants to say. with the semester rapidly drawing near, there are soo many projects and papers that i have to accomplish in a very little time. i know that lately i have been writing about a lot of my academics, but really, right now, that is basically all that is happening in my life. besides going to church at terra nova here in ny, talking with friends about so many various topics (some academic)... i can really only focus on a few things at once.

one piece of news is that i get to see my new adviser tomorrow and show her my portfolio!!! whoo hoo! i'm so excited. once i'm there, i will talk to her about actually signing me off to the CAT Art major (Creative Arts in Therapy in Art), registering for the 2 classes i wasn't able to register for (because i had to be in the major and i wasn't yet), and.... to see if i can withdraw from chem. :( for about a week now, i have been really debating about doing this. should i stick it out (i hate not finishing something i started) or should i drop it because technically i don't need it for my new major and i already have the sciences requirements with my previous 4 other science classes from this past semester and last year. i wasn't doing as well as i wanted in that class. i would study, get some help, go to every class, but somehow the exams (we've only had 2 quizzes, 1 exam, & 1 lab exam---not many grades at all) are totally different than the notes that we take. :( granted, i could have spent 5 hours studying all the time, but i have other classes to take care of as well! if chem were my only class to take this semester, i would most likely have an A (well hopefully). however, as all students know, we have to prioritize EVERYTHING! so i decided that with the help of my parents, sister, & friends i will withdraw from chemistry. it will bring up my gpa, because i don't need it for my new major, and i will be able to have a lot less stress and can work harder on my other classes.

i talked to my mom & dad on sunday night about this whole chemistry decision, and for a little over an hour i was switching back and forth between parents. but i talked to my mom the most and she said some things that were really encouraging to me. i don't know how many of you experience this, but my mom tends to ask me questions or talk to me and figures out exactly what i'm feeling or am burdened with-----not only is it because she is a mom, but that she has the Holy Spirit in her too!

long story short (we WERE talking for more than an hour lol), she basically pin pointed the fact that i was feeling a bit like a failure--like i was letting my parents down. mind you, i didn't tell my parents that i was having trouble with the second semester of chemistry right away because i had just gotten a letter saying that i was on the dean's list for last semester and with this negative news, it would just damper everything good. so she asked me, "do you feel like a failure?" and that is when i started to cry because all the stress was building up in me and i was trying to not think about the poor grade. basically i knew what i was feeling, but didn't have a name to it. it wasn't like i felt entirely like a failure but rather i let myself and parents down because i know they want me to do so well in school. so my mom explained some things to me.
1) i'm not a failure
2) God does not think i'm a failure
3)my parents do not think i'm a failure
4) don't i ever think that again! LOL
at this point i know she is 100% true and that somehow i was starting to believe this lie and amidst all the studies, it was the perfect timing for these thoughts to sneak in---a time where my guard was down, and i wasn't praying a whole lot about things concerning school. she also mentioned that as a student you do everything you can to get in enough studying before a test---stay up late, wake up early, study right before the exam before class starts. if i spend SO MUCH time and effort in studying for a class or test that ultimately is so temporary and significant to the things God wants me to do, why can't i stay up late with reading the word and have it be the last thing i read for the day, wake up early to get my morning God "fix", or pray right before the class starts??
duh!!! once again, i learn that the Holy Spirit and mom make an amazing team. haha.
so, ever since this talk with my mom, i have been determined to do things differently. i have been improving a lot, but oh boy, do i still have a long way to go! but don't we all?? like previous posts, i want Jesus to be in my every thought, all the time! i want to treat him like he is THE MOST IMPORTANT person in my life. school, work, assignments, etc... it is all temporary in the eyes of God. Yes, i should work hard in school, but it should never be something that takes time away from being with him.

i have been reading in the bible lately, and for a few days, i'm going back and forth between a few scriptures.
psalm 71: 1-3, 7-8
1 in you, o Lord, i put my trust; let me never be put to shame.
2 deliver me in your righteousness, and
cause me to escape;
incline your ear to me, and save me.
3 be my strong refuge,
to which i may resort continually;
you have given the commandment to save me,
for you
are my rock and my fortress.

7 i have become as a wonder to many,
but you
are my strong refuge.
8 let my mouth be filled
with your praise
and with your glory all the day.

psalm 55: 22
22 cast your burden on the Lord,
and He shall
sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to
be moved.

psalm 37: 3-5
3 trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land, and feed on His
4 delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He shall give you the desires of your
5 commit your way to the Lord,
trust also in Him,
and he shall bring
it to pass

**new spirit filled life bible

i also wanted to share with you some songs that i have heard before, but just mean so much to me. last night, amanda& i went to val&annie's room and were talking and reading the word. towards the end, before we left to go to bed, amanda shared some youtube videos with val. these songs are EXACTLY what my feelings and stance on my relationship with God right now is. i hope that they will bless you as much as they continue to encourage and bless me. Thank You Jesus! <3>



Walking on Sunshine... said...

I love how you put everything you're dealing with!!! I love the scripture you posted but more importantly I love the second video. It's so true, He Loves Us, but more importantly He loves You!!! I hope and pray you'll have peace about the decisions you'll be making!! Thanks for the videos!!

Nancy said...

I've been waiting for you to blog again for so long! I know I haven't posted in a while either, but I hope to this weekend.

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! I'm glad you see that now. Your mom is one of the most amazing people I know - I love her advice because it really is the Holy Spirit speaking through her. You are so lucky to have her to interpret your innermost thoughts and feelings; what a blessing!

Thank you so much for sharing those Bible passages, too! They touched me really deeply, as did the songs. That last one made me tear up and I could feel God's presence. So powerful.

You are in inspiration to me, and I know God has so many great things in store for you in your life. You're going to help so many people through your Creative Arts and Therapy, I just know it!

Love to the highest power! <3 XOXO <3

RunTX said...

good scripture!