one step further

one step further.one step further to a different career, year at sage, and in my walk with God.

i handed in the papers for dropping chemistry, registering for the two classes i wasn't able to register for before, and changing my major TODAY!!!!!

WHEW!

thank you Jesus! so much weight is off my shoulders now. no longer do i have to put my energy and time into worrying about the small stuff, but now i can look forward to finishing up the semester with my projects that are due. :)

amanda & i also went to resident life to pick up our lottery numbers for housing next year. unfortunately we did not get the low numbers we wanted. i got 128 and amanda 130. they said it was supposed to be random... we don't think so. :( also, things are being done MUCH differently than last year. we do not have nearly that many residents that are going to be rising juniors this year---the numbers are so high because the college decided to include the communters in the lottery. WHAT?! no, i don't think that is fair. last year there was paperwork and due dates that were necessary to fill out in order to be a commuter and this year they are just going to put residents that have no choice but to live on campus with the commuters? i'm not trying to sound mean, but its not right. they should have residents pick their housing first and foremost and then allow commuters the chance to look for rooms. usually commuters stay commuters, and if they were to decide to live on campus most of the time the move during spring semesters. residents already have to fight tooth & nail for rooms and compete against eachother, and when we get really high numbers in the lottery system, thrown in with all of the commuter students, it makes it even more difficult to find adaquate rooms. it is also going to waste a lot of time when we go to pick the rooms on the designated dates because there are going to be a whole lot of empty spaces with commuters that decide to NOT live on campus? yes you should open the opportunity to live on campus to commuters. they deserve the same chances, but not in a way that would make things harder on the residents. most residents live on campus because they cannot commute back and forth to their homes. we don't have that choice, so we should be given our normal chances to get housing like previous years and still open up the field for commuters once all the residents have chosen their houses. there has been a HUGE increase in students for next year attending this "small" women's college. i really don't know how the college is going to handle it. i'm almost afraid that they are going to run out of rooms!!!! this is probably the reason as to why i'm a little upset. i don't want to end up without a room because of a commuter who decided to live on campus last minute! :( a few of our friends have high numbers as well and are equally confused and upset as to the changed system from last year. but i guess the only thing we can do {and what amanda&i have already done once} is to pray and think positively. God will make a way!! he always does!

enough of my ranting... have a great night!

God bless

a barbecue and obnoxiously loud friends

tonight amanda, jill, & i went up to RPI {the college up the hill from us} and visited our friends. we try to see each other whenever we can, but it has been very busy and we did not have the chance since winter break. a VERY long time considering we are only 10 min away from eachother.

regardless, we decided to hang out this weekend. most of the time we don't have specific plans but to just hang out and see what happens.

so that's what we did!!

when our friend nick picked the three of us up and when we arrived to their apartment/dorm outside on the lawn were all of the inside living room furniture! everyone was lounging away in the sun, chatting, and having a good time.

so we were hanging out for a bit, decided that we wanted a barbecue {thus meaning a field trip to price chopper later}, and in the meantime before dinner threw around the football and frisbee.

my friend harsha said something that was very true! something that means a lot to me. he mentioned that what is so funny is that just by throwing a ball back and forth between a few people can be so much fun and so fulfilling! you pass it on to someone else, wait patiently for it to come back to you {not knowing exactly when}, and when it eventually makes its way back to your waiting hands, you get so excited! i love just being relaxed, knowing that you have no current worries to take care of, enjoy the sun, and throwing a football around with some great friends!

most of these "friends" are guys. its funny... sage is an all women's college, and RPI {rensselaer polytecnic institue} is co-ed but practically an all men's college {approx. a 3/7 girl to guy ratio}. therefore, whenever we need a "testosterone" fix {which happens once in a while because girls can definitely become overwhelming..... fast!} we try to get to see them. we do have a few girl friends that go there, and i personally think that we help them out by giving them an "estrogen" fix! LOL

nonetheless, as we enjoy eachother's company, the guys DO become loud, overreactive, & obnoxious... fast! and yet... i love every bit of it. <3

award: fabulous

i have been blessed and honored to be picked as one of five fabulous blogs for this award by Jen

in order to receive it i have to do two things:

1. confess five things to which I am addicted, and 2. pass the award on to five other fabulous blogs.

so first, here are my five addictions...

five addictions:

1. God

2. taking pictures---it seriously relaxes me. i love it!!!

3. people watching

4. thinking about the future

5. wearing comfy clothes & cuddle with fuzzy things & drink peppermint tea.

now here is the tough part. the following five fabulous blogs are:

Recovering the Satellites: even though she hasn't posted in a while, she has a perfect reason and i have no doubt that she will make it up to us! ;D {nance i'm only writing this because i know you'll read it <3}>

Beautifully Broken: a beautiful blog full of dedication in everything!

Learning to be a Wife: a great blog that inspires me although i am no wheres to getting married yet! :)

A glimpse into my thoughts...: a blog that is full of love and truth. thanks for sharing everything that you do!

Life with Logan: this blog is just so cute and i fully enjoy seeing the love a mother has for her child!

now i hope you all will pass this award on to five additional fabulous blogs, and don't forget to tell us your five addictions!

<3>

sunny days

sunny days are a comin'!!!! i'm so excited! today my roommate jill&i went out to the park on campus and did some homework, relaxed, and observed how life is when the snow is gone! <3>

may you ALL have wonderful God blessed SUNNY DAYS!

bored

per usual, i was looking out the window and thought that i'd get a few pictures of the string that is attached to my shade. :o/ eh, i like it! :)

thank you bl<3ggers!

thank you all for your concerns, prayers, suggestions, and advice. i am feeling a lot better, almost completely normal!! i took two naps yesterday, kept warm in socks and a sweatshirt, took only two cold tablets, drank water, ate some soup at dinner {although not much because the school likes to pour buckets of salt in it---did not end up finishing}, drank cranberry juice {Jen, I would have taken your advice on the echinacea, etc. but i had no means on getting to a store plus i was feeling a lot better as the day went on yesterday}, and most importantly i read in the word and prayed again!!!

this is the fastest a cold has ever "started to emerge" and disappear without going through it's course. that's exactly it, it is God's course, not the cold's! :D i still need to blow my nose and a tiny bit stiff, but i'm not letting it bother me one bit because i plan on playing 3 hours of the amazingly fun game of volleyball at RPI {college up the hill} for a 24hr tournament for the illiteracy cause. amanda & i are very excited. we are being picked up @1:30pm so i'll be praying that everything will go smoothly and there would be NO injuries whatsoever!

<3

eck

i went to bed after a few hours of feeling like the beginning of a cold is emerging. i already prayed over myself for healing and strength, went to bed when i no longer needed to stay up {i wouldn't really call it early, but i guess it was} at about 11:45pm. i've been drinking some more fluids {water, cranberry juice, orange juice}, disinfecting the room, and trying to stay optimistic. i'm going to take another quick nap before my class at 11 today {actually my English class is going to be online today not in the classroom} so that will help with the occasional blowing of the nose. :P please pray for me because i really can not afford to get sick. i am so close to the end, and need to trust in God that this thing is only temporary and believe that it won't affect my life.

<3> in Christ

a long day coming to an end

so today was incredibly long, fast, intense, calming, busy, relaxed, & well, interesting.

1)8AM: i took an extremely insane chem test
2) 9AM: relaxed & read in the bible
3) 10AM: today, march 25, 2009 our school's new president was announced. i got to go to the ceremony for one of my classes.
4) 11AM: stats was probably the longest 1hr 20min ever!
5) 1230PM:i didn't have time to get a real lunch because i had an appointment with my adviser to look at my portfolio----a bagel and cheetos.
6) 1245PM: i had my meeting with my adviser/will be professor and she approved my portfolio for the major----I'M IN, I'M IN!!! :D :D :D :D :D
7) 120PM: i went to the chem lab review session before lab @ 2pm and talked with the TA about me dropping out of chem.
8) 125PM: i went to student services to get the add/drop form and the change of major form
9) 130PM: went to my chem professor's office to have him sign the paper---i finally dropped chem!
10)135PM: went back to the library to let everyone know that i will not be in lab or the class anymore
11)145PM: back in the room for 2 hrs----shared the news with some friends&amanda and took a nap
12)400PM: went to work until 530pm. did some research on the computer while in the front desk office of the recreation building (where the gym is) for my english research paper
13)530PM: went back to the room instead of directly to dinner like i usually do every wednesday
14)535PM: went up to the room, dropped off my bag, went BACK to the dining hall (1min away from where i work)
15)630PM: back to the room, did some important emails.
16)700PM: went to a guest lecturer who is a photojournalist looking at the effects of immigration on the women of mexico left behind by husbands. i went to this for extra credit for one of my classes. it was really informative, i like it a lot. :)
18)820PM: it went longer than expected, and i left after the first half and questions
19)830PM: back to the room and watching students come in and out of all the dorms for tours because of the room lottery coming up---choosing housing for next year.
20)840PM: talked to mom & dad on the phone. found out that amanda&my car is fixed!! well, a big part of it is. :)
21)920PM--present: relaxing, blogging, and finishing up my interview paper for my cultural perspective class.

whew!!!

Well, that was my day in a nut shell. Thank you lord for providing strength and blessings all day! <3>

things temporary

a lot has happened to me since my last post. most of it has been me learning to be open to hear and listen to what others have to say, and most importantly what God is saying or wants to say. with the semester rapidly drawing near, there are soo many projects and papers that i have to accomplish in a very little time. i know that lately i have been writing about a lot of my academics, but really, right now, that is basically all that is happening in my life. besides going to church at terra nova here in ny, talking with friends about so many various topics (some academic)... i can really only focus on a few things at once.

one piece of news is that i get to see my new adviser tomorrow and show her my portfolio!!! whoo hoo! i'm so excited. once i'm there, i will talk to her about actually signing me off to the CAT Art major (Creative Arts in Therapy in Art), registering for the 2 classes i wasn't able to register for (because i had to be in the major and i wasn't yet), and.... to see if i can withdraw from chem. :( for about a week now, i have been really debating about doing this. should i stick it out (i hate not finishing something i started) or should i drop it because technically i don't need it for my new major and i already have the sciences requirements with my previous 4 other science classes from this past semester and last year. i wasn't doing as well as i wanted in that class. i would study, get some help, go to every class, but somehow the exams (we've only had 2 quizzes, 1 exam, & 1 lab exam---not many grades at all) are totally different than the notes that we take. :( granted, i could have spent 5 hours studying all the time, but i have other classes to take care of as well! if chem were my only class to take this semester, i would most likely have an A (well hopefully). however, as all students know, we have to prioritize EVERYTHING! so i decided that with the help of my parents, sister, & friends i will withdraw from chemistry. it will bring up my gpa, because i don't need it for my new major, and i will be able to have a lot less stress and can work harder on my other classes.

i talked to my mom & dad on sunday night about this whole chemistry decision, and for a little over an hour i was switching back and forth between parents. but i talked to my mom the most and she said some things that were really encouraging to me. i don't know how many of you experience this, but my mom tends to ask me questions or talk to me and figures out exactly what i'm feeling or am burdened with-----not only is it because she is a mom, but that she has the Holy Spirit in her too!

long story short (we WERE talking for more than an hour lol), she basically pin pointed the fact that i was feeling a bit like a failure--like i was letting my parents down. mind you, i didn't tell my parents that i was having trouble with the second semester of chemistry right away because i had just gotten a letter saying that i was on the dean's list for last semester and with this negative news, it would just damper everything good. so she asked me, "do you feel like a failure?" and that is when i started to cry because all the stress was building up in me and i was trying to not think about the poor grade. basically i knew what i was feeling, but didn't have a name to it. it wasn't like i felt entirely like a failure but rather i let myself and parents down because i know they want me to do so well in school. so my mom explained some things to me.
1) i'm not a failure
2) God does not think i'm a failure
3)my parents do not think i'm a failure
&
4) don't i ever think that again! LOL
at this point i know she is 100% true and that somehow i was starting to believe this lie and amidst all the studies, it was the perfect timing for these thoughts to sneak in---a time where my guard was down, and i wasn't praying a whole lot about things concerning school. she also mentioned that as a student you do everything you can to get in enough studying before a test---stay up late, wake up early, study right before the exam before class starts. if i spend SO MUCH time and effort in studying for a class or test that ultimately is so temporary and significant to the things God wants me to do, why can't i stay up late with reading the word and have it be the last thing i read for the day, wake up early to get my morning God "fix", or pray right before the class starts??
BAM!
duh!!! once again, i learn that the Holy Spirit and mom make an amazing team. haha.
so, ever since this talk with my mom, i have been determined to do things differently. i have been improving a lot, but oh boy, do i still have a long way to go! but don't we all?? like previous posts, i want Jesus to be in my every thought, all the time! i want to treat him like he is THE MOST IMPORTANT person in my life. school, work, assignments, etc... it is all temporary in the eyes of God. Yes, i should work hard in school, but it should never be something that takes time away from being with him.

i have been reading in the bible lately, and for a few days, i'm going back and forth between a few scriptures.

psalm 71: 1-3, 7-8
1 in you, o Lord, i put my trust; let me never be put to shame.
2 deliver me in your righteousness, and
cause me to escape;
incline your ear to me, and save me.
3 be my strong refuge,
to which i may resort continually;
you have given the commandment to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.

7 i have become as a wonder to many,
but you are my strong refuge.
8 let my mouth be filled with your praise
and with your glory all the day.

psalm 55: 22
22 cast your burden on the Lord,
and He shall sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to
be moved.

psalm 37: 3-5
3 trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land, and feed on His
faithfulness.
4 delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
5 commit your way to the Lord,
trust also in Him,
and he shall bring it to pass

**new spirit filled life bible

i also wanted to share with you some songs that i have heard before, but just mean so much to me. last night, amanda& i went to val&annie's room and were talking and reading the word. towards the end, before we left to go to bed, amanda shared some youtube videos with val. these songs are EXACTLY what my feelings and stance on my relationship with God right now is. i hope that they will bless you as much as they continue to encourage and bless me. Thank You Jesus! <3>

<3>

issues

i was wondering if anyone could help me. maybe give me some advice? i've tried to get a play list on my page, but it won't actually play music for me. please let me know if it is or is not working for you. i feel like it won't play when you click the button... :o/

also, i was able to get the rest of my supplies for my portfolio this week/weekend and am excited. i have to finish up 3 paintings & then i'll be done! yay! however, right now, because of my excitement and zeal for the future i don't want to do anything for my classes i'm currently taking this semester. i get used to being home& right when i am accustomed, i have to pack up & move out...again. :( but there is good news, i only have 6 weeks left before finals& i'll be coming home for my 4 month summer on may2nd!! whoo hoo! i just need to focus, pray, and work hard for these last couple of weeks because they are going to fly by like crazy!

ps. spring break has sadly come to an end, and i have been privileged to capture some awesome pictures and am super duper excited to put them up once i get back to school. so make sure you check them out soon on my other blog!

oh ya!! i also got new specks for my beautiful blue eyes and a longggggg overdue upgrade for my cell phone. amanda {my twin sis} & i now each have individual phones and no longer have to share which is a good thing. we've been sharing the same phone since 10th grd. i think that we would probably continue to share it for a longer period of time, but there has been some complaints of fuzzy&crackly sounds when we talk. so this convinced us to leave the antique behind and go for something a bit more updated. there is a time& a season for everything, and i guess it was time to move on and start new. :D

We have decided to donate the phone for soldiers across seas to use.

<33>

have no fear! i'm still here!

hey everybody! i'm just checking in because i haven't been on in about a week. right now i am on my spring break and have been at home, church, friends' houses, playing volleyball with some churches, etc. & having a blast during all of it. :) i am also pretty busy with make-up readings {ewwww} that i want to get done for my classes&also stuff in order to get ahead {ewwww again..}.

with this new direction for my life and my major, i am in the midst of getting together an art&photography portfolio to hand in upon my arrival back to ny. once i get this done, i can be officially signed off as a CAT {creative arts in therapy} art major!! :D :D :D :D

for this portfolio, i have been asked to get about 10 pieces together. i have done two sketches so far, i am choosing four photos {which is MUCH harder than i thought}, and hope to do another sketch and three paintings by the end of the week! ah! i am excited though, and still feel like this is something God wants for me. i am ambitious&am happy to say that already my creative juices are a-flowin'! --whoot!

thank you lord!

as a side note, i'd like to share that today {as i was taking a shower}, i was able to really pray about some issues that were on my mind&heart for a long time. some hurts, some misunderstandings/confusions, and even for some unforgiveness i had. i started off just praying&thanking the lord for the wonderful day i was able to enjoy. from there, i was able to pray and actually TALK to God. now you have to understand, usually i pray very short prayers here and there every now and then throughout the day and such. i have never really prayed in the shower before, or at least for longer than 2 minutes while in there. for a while now, i have been yearning to really conversate with Jesus, and to treat him as my best friend that he REALLY IS and to go and give up my burdens to him. it was a really nice feeling or rather encouragement that the things that i have been praying about are in fact capable to be taken care of! hm, would you think about that...God really taking our fears and concerns and all we have to do is give them over to him! so easy, and yet, we as humans continue to make things so darn difficult!

<3>

but, to finish up, i was able to express the many issues on my heart concerning some things that were causing some unforgiveness towards 1-2 people. it is usually easy for me to brush things off my shoulders and let go, but this particular situation has been with me for a few months, and when i was able to leave the routine way of approaching prayer, i was released and able to move on. God still has to help me to fully move on, but i believe that i have made a right turn in the right direction. :)

<3

jason upton- in the beginning

"In the beginning God saw everything when love went wandering into the night.

Was I first or last?
Was I second best?
These questions quickly pass into the light.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own.

When my vision died you opened my eyes to something that I had never seen. I have touched your hands and you have called me friend, but doubting never ends until I believe.

At the waters edge I see As your spirit speaks to me: Call to me and I will answer you, I’ll give you peace, a peace you have not known on your own."

-Jason Upton

*************************

i couldn't find a better video for this song on youtube. but it is on itunes. the name of the song is In the Beginning Pt. 1 from the cd 1200 Feet Below Sea Level. this song has been on my heart for the last two days. i've just been playing it over&over all morning today. love it.

thank you lord for letting us call onto you! father, you have promised us peace and love... thank you for always being in the midst. i want to be your little girl. i want to come to you in times of need. i want to be intimate and talk with you about every aspect of my life. i don't want to leave you out anymore. i want a heart of worship for you--a way of life. i want&need to seek you and be in your presence. i love you Jesus.

to-do lists

oh the joys to being alive in this day & age. so many ideas, so many expectations, so many things...to do.

making a list helps a person get organized. it allows a person to see what he/she has to accomplish in preparation for upcoming events&assignments. a to-do list is a source of stress relief because you tend to not forget what is due when you visually see the notes&check things off as they get completed----well unless you forget to write something on the list, and that is another point for another time. perhaps i can write a post on forgetfulness. i should put that on my to-do list. ;P

i said that lists can help with relieving stress because you can see the lists of demands&commitments you previously are assigned to or agreed to complete. however, once that list goes from short to medium to long to longish to very long, well, forget about relieving stress, you have so much stuff to do by then! you don't have time to think about other things.

i made a to-do list last night. a list of assignments&exams due that i have to get done before Friday afternoon when i go home for spring break. it was sorta long, but not too bad because i only focused on one week of work, rather than a month or so {which i know will be stressful to even look at---one week at a time, one week at a time}. so, i wrote out my list of things to do, and included everything i presently need to accomplish as well as some "catch up stuff" because it is quite common that i get behind by a chapter or so of reading in one of my classes. from there, with everything included, i grabbed my highlighter and thought "i should highlight my priorities, so i can break things up and not get overwhelmed". great idea right? of course, except when everything on the list is highlighted except for two. :/

then, i came back from chemistry about 20 min ago, and was informed that i have a lab exam on wed {as well as everything else in the entire universe}, one more thing to add to the list!

oh wait, don't let a sigh of relief yet, we're not done yet! i forgot to add my day2 midterm for sociology that is on friday. awesome.

i talked to amanda&my other roommate jill last night letting them know that obviously we all have things to do this week {projects, papers, exams, etc} and to not worry when the room is super quiet and we are not all happy-go lucky. we are just going to really have to focus so we won't snap at eachother. be more considerate, and quiet than usual as well. help out whenever we could.

i also said that i'm going to be pretty stressed today because i have to write two papers today. i asked amanda if she could help me calm down if i get a little wired {you see, i already get nervous and anxious when i have to write one paper & writing two, well, is new to me}. she said something that i was pretty ashamed of not thinking of first before i opened my mouth. she mentioned, "well, God will help you first you know"... well durr! of course he will!!! i wanted to hit myself in the head. i need to go to him first before anyone else. he is my peace&comforter, which is exactly what i need for this chaotic week.

::thank you lord for always being there for me when i need you. both in good times & bad. i pray for peace, rest&comfort in the times that i get anxious today. my life is in your hands. i want to do well, make you my proud daddy. i don't want to let you down. i will work hard&try to stay focused. i am so thankful that you hold me when i need to be held, and smile at me as my eyes get lower... whenever i need it. i love you Jesus::

don't worry blog, i'm not letting you down

lately i've been going about my days like normal. wake up, shower, go to class, come back from class, eat, etc.

but every now and then, more often now than before, i have been thinking&praying about a lot of stuff. all kinds of things pertaining to my life now&for the future.

i feel like i am sorta in a rut with my blogging--but not. :/ i have never been a huge writer, but i liked to do it sometimes. ever since i started writing posts, as i go about my day, certain thoughts&situations come my way that cause me to ponder. "i should write this on my blog! this would be so cool!" usually pops into my head multiple times a day. but, by the time i get to my room, so many distractions have already beat me to the computer and either, i don't feel motivated to write anymore, or i forget what it was that i originally wanted to write about. then there are those times where i do remember what i wanted to write about, but have no idea as to how to go about it! therefore making me feel very disorganized {which i hate}, and somehow letting down my blog. :/ i know that this isn't true, but somehow i got the impression that when a person has a journal or diary or blog {which can also be seen as a virtual diary}, they tend to write in it frequently. writing everyday isn't practical for me but if an idea or thought comes, why stop it right? i never see the point in ceasing something if it is working out fine for the time being.

i created this blog so i could share {all} my thoughts openly&freely. it seems easier to share your life with strangers than with people you know. you are connected some way on the internet. not the same way with those whom i care about here at school, church, or home, but yet, we are still somewhat bonded by an invisible string. bloggers want to share who they are, to meet new people& basically display whatever they have a desire for. my sudden urge to write came from a need to get in a closer relationship with God. i needed to share what has been instilled in me. i have been poured with God's love&spirit&word for a long time, and finally needed an outlet. it is so vital to release what is inside of you. God uses us as his go-between---but only when we are willing to work for him. when we agree to whole-heartedly be a vessel for him to work through us, that is when his will is able to be fulfilled. obviously we can't do everything, but i can see people as his little-helpers.

this is why i have this blog. to write what is on my heart, what God puts on my heart, as well as some babbling that just needs to be done. :)

i guess this is all i wanted to share about today. not quite sure if it made any sense, or if it had any relavance or influence on anyone but nonetheless, it was something i needed to blog.

oh ya, i haven't done any work today either. yay for me!! :/