Sunday, February 22, 2009

a new path: thank*you*jesus!


this will most likely be my longest post ever.. for this particular time in my life at least. i really didn't know how to explain everything i wanted to say. so i thought that the beginning would be a good place to start. :)

junior year of high school we all had to start thinking about college. where to go and what to go for. i seemed to enjoy my science classes, liked sports, and heard that the medical field is a good place to go for jobs. after some thought i decided to go to school for physical therapy.

after i chose to go to school in troy, new york, i needed to pick a major for my undergraduate degree {you can't have physical therapy as a major--it is only part of grad school}. i chose health sciences. i figured it would hit all the right areas needed to prepare me for work after graduation.

freshman year began. classes started. the fun goes a-rollin'. right? sorta.

i liked my psych class, english, women of the world {figures--a gen ed course for a woman's college}, etc. i hated anatomy. yes, some of the content was interesting, but the book was horrible, the lab was horrible, cats in lab were horrible {yes, we had to dissect cats}, and the tests were time consuming to study for and tough. i worked hard, but just couldn't understand the material in time for the exams. it seemed that i would always learn the information after the exam was over. :/

sophomore year arrives. i'm going on my normal day-day schedule: chemistry, psych classes, nutrition, orthopedic evaluation, etc. i'm getting really stressed about next year and grad school. i had wanted to re-do anatomy next year, not because i failed but because i wasn't happy with my grade and a do-over would help my with my gpa. so as i met with my adviser in october. i talked to her a little bit of what i wanted to do. what to swap for next semester's schedule, what to do and when. i also spoke of leaving the advanced PT program {3+3} and going to the 4+3 PT program instead. she told me that that was an easy adjustment to make.

i didn't want to take a million science classes and not fully appreciate or enjoy the college experience. i am going to a liberal arts school, and am currently not receiving a variety of classes. i wanted to be able to do dance as well as the other arts & photography.

however, as i continued to think, read&prepare for my upcoming years here, i just felt so uneasy in my spirit. i knew that i could do the work. i'm not incapable. it was just that i was afraid of being behind my class and not being able to get a job afterward. i also couldn't see myself as a physical therapist. originally, i thought i did. working in an office for sports rehab and/or with athletes was my plan. the more i tried to picture my future, and the more i prayed that God would show me an answer, the more i couldn't see myself as a physical therapist.

so, i went to those who meant a lot to me: family&friends. they all said that i work hard, explain information&material very well, and relate to people. some said i would make a good physical therapist.

winter break comes. yay! no classes for a whole month! after some much needed r&r, i needed to buy books again & get ready for spring semester.

i was on the computer at home, ordering books with my mom. i remember this vividly. then, as we were looking through the online catalog of the college's bookstore, i started to get stressed out. was this really what i wanted to continue in? should i even bother going on with a health science major? again, an uneasiness in my inner self&spirit arose. i started to cry with an unknowing of what to do. my mom&i talked about it, and she had told me to make an appointment with a local physical therapist who knows our family friends pretty well. needless to say, the appointment didn't end up happening. but she did say to me before, "did you ever pray about this?"

by this she meant my major. did God ever want me to do physical therapy? i wasn't sure because i never truly asked.

my sister&i return back to school. i go about my daily schedule, and am trying to stay positive&work hard. with the dance show coming up, work, and studies... things got very busy&hectic--very fast.

for a while now, i don't precisely know how long, i have been dealing with a lot of stress, uneasiness&confusion concerning my future&major while here at school. so, once again, i start thinking about my options. i prayed and talked it out with my friends.

the ball got rolling on wednesday of last week. i was coming back from the gym with my friend and we were talking about my worries&concerns. i told her about how i was afraid that i wouldn't be a good physical therapist, get a job, or be happy. i told her that the reason why i kept health sciences as an option for my major was because i took a few classes that really inspired&excited me about health&wellness. healing from the inside out. the whole body&mind--not just the scientific levels of a person.

my choices went like this:
*health sciences/PT
*health sciences/PT with photography classes jr&sr year
*health sciences NO PT {i could do this, but i will eventually need a specialty later on anyways}
*creative arts & therapy with a dance concentration {i liked dance, but would really like to use it as a personal outlet--plus my sister has that major}
*creative arts & therapy with a visual arts concentration
*creative arts & therapy with a visual arts concentration & integrated photography classes.
---hm, that last one sounded reaaaalllllyyyyyyyy good.

last week on thursday i was in my friends' room and we talked for HOURS {not just on this subject} but it was where i brainstormed, shared, confessed&sought counsel. in the end....

...a decision was made.

i have decided to change my major from health sciences/pt to CAT visual arts&photography!!!! :D

immediately following, i felt total peace, rest&clarity. i am positive that god had his hand on the situation. after my declaration, my friend val told me that about two months ago, she had this feeling that physical therapy wasn't really meant for me. that it wasn't what i was supposed to do. it didn't fit. THANK YOU JESUS! what a confirmation!

i am actually happy&excited for school again! i wrote my adviser an email, and am now on a brand new road! a new road that i am sure god will have his hand on once again. i will continue to seek him out and pray that he will continue to teach me to be quiet and rest in his peace&love&wisdom.

this new aspired journey will be one of creativity, love & a willingness to allow God to move through me. my vision is to help heal those hurt from the inside out through art and God's almighty love.

<3>

5 comments:

Nancy said...

I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

I know in my heart that this will be god for you. You can explore your passion for art and photography through your work, and retain dance as a personal outlet.

You have already guided me to the creative art & therapy of blogging, so I believe without a doubt that you will be good at this!

I love you, I am proud of you, and I am continually inspired by you to let God into my life more and more <3

Walking on Sunshine... said...

I only wish I had this much insight when I was your age!!! How wonderful to know what you want to do and seek God's will! Love the Lost Generation video. Am going to post it on my blog, it's fantastic!! Thanks for following my blog...I'll be back to yours!

Lisa said...

SO GLAD YOU CAME BY TODAY. I REALLY ENJOY SEEING NEW FACES, MEETING NEW PEOPLE, FRIENDS.

HUGS FROM MAINE

http://sophie4me.blogspot.com/

RunTX said...

God will guide you...

Andreas_zoink said...

hey, thanks for sharing this. I feel like this is a point in life a lot of young people come to, and there are so many pressures to have it right the first time around, and so many times people need to just step back and chill and think and pray about it, and maybe cj=hange their whole life's direction. anyways, yeah thanks for writing it all down and sharing it, you are a wonderful writer.